Race Schedule

Well I finally ironed out my race schedule. I'm going to take it a little slow to try and avoid another foot injury...Slow and steady, in order to finish the race.

Duke City 5K- Oct 16, 2010- Albuquerque NM
Veterans 11K- November 14, 2010- Albuquerque NM
PF Changs ROCK n ROLL HALF- January 16, 2011- PHOENIX AZ

Yep, I'm on a mission or maybe its just a classic quarter life crisis and I have something to prove to myself about turning 30; I haven't decided yet. Either way, here I go......

"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." Hebrews 12:1

Remember Me

I want to say Hi to my 3 followers (& Brian & Jory too)...Its been a while. Why have I decided to pick this up after a year has gone by, I can't really say. I guess I just missed the outlet. The new format is better, don't you think-less complicated. That is a fair description of what I'm trying to accomplish these day, be less distracted and busy-simplify.

I'm going to change up topics too. We're about to move back to Albuquerque so I can't use this to stay in touch with as many people. (I don't think anyone other than my Dad ever read it in NC) I've decided to use it to document my journey to the DUKE CITY half marathon, my 30th birthday and celebratory triathlon sometime after I turn 30. That's right, I said it out loud, its out there in the blog-a-sphere so now I have to do it. I just know I've battled through some junk in my 20's and I am looking forward to my 30's kicking my 20's- well you know.

I hope to learn a few things along the way and maybe you guys will be entertained in the process.

I read a quote the other day that said "Forget about trying to find out who you are, go find who you want to be."

And so I am off....

When in doubt...

One of the most profound experiences of my Christian journey came in the form of chastisement and the tender age of about 14. I remember every detail with great clarity; as if it happened to me yesterday. I was reading a book that was absolutely fascinating. I was riveted. However, the main character kept cursing God. I'm not talking about just cussing with the Lord's name it it (as if that wasn't bad enough). He was out and out cursing God as a liar, sadist and all sorts of other horrible things. I felt very strongly I was being told to put this book down. It was not for me. But I couldn't. The plot had me transfixed. Over and over I was told to put it down and I refused. Finally, I experienced what I can only assume was the Lord "giving me over" as the bible talks about it Romans and letting me fully experience the consequences of my chosen sin. Suddenly I was consumed with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. In the passage of the book I was reading the charaecter was talking about how we all die and wither in the ground as worms eat us. (I know... I know...how was I ever riveted by this I don't know but I was) Anyway, I really believe, for a moment, the Lord removed His protection from my mind and I was allowed to fully experience that despair and what it would feel like to truly believe there is nothing. Everything is meaningless. Take what you can out of life because in the end you're just worm food. It was terrible. I cannot fully describe it to this day. I immediately grabbed my Bible and began reading every passage I could find where Christ promised that He is the Resurrection and the Light and He that believe in me shall never die. I read it over and over and over until my fears were silenced, my spirit quieted, and my hope restored.
These days I find myself in a similar conundrum. This time it is not because of any act of disobedience but just because I cannot get my head to be still. My time in Texas for some reason has me bombarded with DOUBT. Every question I dared never utter has come rearing its ugly head and chipping away at my faith, which until now has been ROCK SOLID. I told my mom the other day if something doesn't go a particular way that I think it should, I'm going to be so angry with God. (And even as I type that confession my mind reels with exactly the same question; Just who do I think I am?) But I immediately followed that statement with this one. "All I know these days is that God is good all the time and all the time God is good. And I can never question His love for me because Christ's death on the cross has forever demonstrated that to me." And now more than ever, I find myself clinging to those two simple truths. And as I did at 14, I find when I permeate myself with them, my fears are silenced, my spirit is quieted and my hope is restored. For me, gone are the days of cookie cutter answerers to life's tough questions. They bring no comfort. I am in a place of clinging only to TRUTH that cannot be reduced any further. God is good and He is love and because of that I can trust Him. Mark 9:24 has become so sweet to me: "Lord I believe, please help my unbelief."
I must confess that as I write this blog I'm arguing with myself on whether or not to actually post it. It is so immensely personal. But I cannot help but think that in these times of great uncertainty I am probably not the only one struggling. So I post this for my friends and family who I know are struggling through great difficulties of their own. I admonish you my brothers and sisters to hang in there and voice your doubts to our Father. He is more than able to handle them!

Signature Style for 2009

I couldn't help but be a little introspective this morning with it being the first day of a brand new year. I didn't make any resolutions this year. There are still so many from 2008 that I'm still working on! However, as I was doing my quiet time this morning I was struck by this question; what am I going to wear???? And for once, it had nothing to do with the sophisticated with just a twist of rock and roll chic, signature style I am so trying to cultivate.

Revelation 19:7-8,16: Let us rejoice and shout for joy exulting and triumphant! Let us celebrate and ascribe to Him glory and honor, for the marriage of the Lamb at last has come, and His bride has prepared herself. She has been permitted to dress in fine, radiant linen, dazzling and white- for the fine linen represents the righteousness (the upright, just and godly living, deeds, and conduct, and right standing with God) of the saints (God's holy people) And on HIS garment and on His thigh He has a name inscribed KING OF KIGS AND LORD OF LORDS!!!

It hit me anew this morning...The Lord has clothed me in garmets of salvation and robes of rightousness, dazzling white, so that I can be presented blameless and spotless before the one who's robe simply says KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

This year, I want those robes to show. I want them to dazzle the world around me. Because the fact that a sinner such as me, will one day stand before the KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS (I'm sorry I just can't help but type that in all caps...it thrills me to the core) blameless, spotless, pure and white; that is something worth celebrating. It's something worth sharing!!

My prayer for this year is that I would clothe myself daily in the fine linen of godly living, deeds and conduct that acuratly represent my right standing with God. That is what I pray will become my signature style for this new year!

Best Christmas Song Ever

Welcome To Our World
by: Chris Rice


Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long awaited Holy Stranger
Make yourself at home
Please make yourself at home

Bring your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence
Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorns
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

Real Life Conversation Between Jason and Kelly

Kelly: "If I EVER get these stupid bangs to grow out, and then start talking about
cutting them back in, threaten me with divorce!"

Jason *rolls his eyes* "whatever babe"

Adventures of a Makeup Artist

I know it has been a while since I've posted. I've started to post at least 10 or 12 times but have failed each time because I'm hard pressed to put into words what I've been up to. On the surface, it's really very simple. I'm a cosmetics analyst at a counter in a local department store. I really like the line I sell for, and people stop by my counter and I help them find the right foundation or blush or lipstick or any number of items available. I was handed a fist full of brushes my first day and told "You are now a makeup artist." I clutched the brushes with a death grip and thought "Funny I don't feel like an artist." I'm doing good to get my own eyeliner on straight much less anyone else's. But that day began what I am convinced will be one of the most interesting journeys of my life. And here is why:

Much like a hair dresser, when you sit in front of a stranger and trust them to make you look beautiful and NOT like a crazy person that went bizerck at the cosmetics counter, you are in the moment, extremely vulnerable. And vulnerable people talk. "Can you do anything to hide this acne? I hate even going out in public." "I have a big date tonight..." "My husband likes this (insert actress name.) Can you make me look like her?" "I hate my (insert feature)" "I wish my lips were bigger" "I wish my lips were smaller" And on and on. But what is interesting is the stories that come after these statements. The insecurities they've struggled with their whole life. I assure you it is rarely the beautiful and polished that sit down for a make over. It's the women who hopes she can be pretty if only she knew how to better apply some magical potion or formula. But here is the thing.....they are all so beautiful. They just have never believed anyone who tried to tell them that. They don't see that their smaller lips fit perfectly with their huge and too beautiful eyes. They don't see that their nose is actually very cute and gives them a child like look of innocence even though they are well into their 30's. They don't see that their fair skin is so beautiful, they look like a living porcelain doll. They don't understand that they could go out on their date, without a stitch of makeup, and knock any guy straight on his back that wasn't considered legally blind. I see so many beautiful creations and yet so many of them are unable to say "I am beautiful"

So this phenomenon has me thinking. Would it have broken Picasso's heart if suddenly his paintings had said to him "Um, I really don't like how large my nose is. Do you think you could make it a little smaller?" "Are you sure my forehead is supposed to be that big?" Does it breaks God's heart when I stand in front of a mirror and pick myself into so many small pieces that there is nothing left but a shredded masterpiece?

I have so wanted to tell these women...."ARE YOU INSANE? CAN'T YOU SEE YOURSELF CLEARLY. FROM WHERE I'M STANDING YOU LOOK AMAZING." And yes I can show you a really cool eyeshadow palette that will draw attention to your amazing eyes. The eyeshadow didn't suddenly make your eyes WOW. They were WOW to begin with. Yes, a little liner will make your small lips look a little less small, but they were pretty to begin with. So many women walk away feeling great...which is a lot of fun to be a part of. But the cosmetics didn't make them suddenly pretty. And that's what we fail to see. There is nothing magical at my counter. Just some cool toys that are fun to play with, yet do nothing but enhance what a master creator already so perfectly designed.

And now my favorite story; "Yes, I can show you how to hide your acne." And just 15 short minutes latter I handed her a mirror and her eyes watered up. So did mine. She walked over to her husband, waiting so patiently at a bench, and his eyes lit up. "You look HOT," he told her. Her face lit up even more. He loved her so obviously and I felt a little awkward observing this moment between them. I hope she knows that she was beautiful to begin with. I hope she can see in his eyes what I saw in his eyes, before all the makeup.

So this is not a rant against cosmetics. If you could see my bathroom right now you would know what a huge fan of cosmetics I really am. They are FUN. It's FUN to put on different looks, different colors. You should have seen me on Halloween. Black eyeshadow, whitest foundation I could find and blood red lips. TONS of FUN. (And yes, people did still stop at my counter that night) But these things are not what make us beautiful, and I hope that we can get to the point where we don't need them to feel beautiful. God, let us see ourselves through your eyes!

I hope I can get to the point where I don't need makeup to feel beautiful. God let me see myself through your eyes.